Faded
by Silent-Lightwood
Summary: Jace deals with his feelings after losing Alec.


_**Some lovely Jace feels for you guys.**_

**Faded**

With shaking hands Jace moved to unbutton his white mourning shit. As the material began to slide from his shoulders, he hesitantly reached up to run his fingers over his newest silvery scar.

His faded parabatai rune.

He looked in the mirror in front of him, his hand still over the scarred part of his flesh. He couldn't stand it and before he could register what he was doing, put his fist into the glass. Ignoring the sharp shards all around his feet, he padded over to his bed, throwing himself down onto the mattress. He looked up at the ceiling, stubbornly repressing the tears that threatened to fall.

"_Jace, watch out!" Alec screamed, letting an arrow fly. It missed the blond by a few inches and sank into the demon's flesh._

"_Nice shot!" Jace called back as he dodged one of the creature's eight sharply edged tentacles that were flailing around. He made a beeline towards the center of the body, hacking cleanly through a tentacle. Isabelle followed, slicing through another one with her whip._

"_Alright, time to send you back where you came from." Jace raised his sword to deliver the killing blow when he suddenly heard Isabelle scream his name._

_He turned just in time to see Alec, his arms outstretched as if to cover them, with the blade of a tentacle protruding through his chest._

"It's not fair!" Jace took the closest object, a book of sheet music, and flung it across his bedroom. "You don't deserve this!" He sent another object flying.

He was faintly aware of the light knocking and Maryse's voice on the other side. But he didn't want to talk to her. He just wanted to be alone with his pain. He wanted to mourn his friend, his brother, his parabatai.

Suddenly filled with a need to be around things he associated with Alec and knowing there was nothing left of his in the Institute, Jace pulled on a faded green t-shirt and climbed out his window.

"_Ave atque vale, my brother…" Jace whispered as Alec's body burned upon the funeral pyre. Robert and Maryse, who looked seconds from falling to pieces, had decided to have Alec buried in Idris in the necropolis next to Max. Seeing Max's headstone and the open tomb next to it did little to ease Jace's grief and guilt._

_He thought about throwing himself upon the pyre. He had always assumed he would go first or that they would go together. The only bit of comfort was the tomb next to Alec's; it read _Herondale_. _

_Magnus was standing to his other side. His eyes looked blank and sad, as if his whole world had come crumbling down. The brown-haired girl, Tessa, had her hand on his arm._

Jace used an Open rune to get into the apartment building and bounded up the stairs to the landing. He buzzed several times, but when he received no answer, he used another rune to get into the apartment.

The loft was barren. A few pieces of furniture were arranged around a dark blue rug. Chairman Meow was on the rug, looking as depressed as Jace felt.

He made his way through the apartment, stopping for a few seconds before heading into the bedroom. Immediately he was assaulted with the scent of sandalwood and was reminded of Alec. He saw one of Alec's ratty old sweaters and seized it, laying himself on the canary-yellow bed and hugging it to his chest. A single tear slid down his cheek.

"Excuse me, angel boy. But what are you doing in my bedroom?" Magnus asked coolly from the doorway. His tone had none of the usual acid it carried when speaking to Jace.

Jace sat up quickly, wiping his face, and was surprised to find that he had no retort. "My parabatai's dead." His voice sounded broken, even to his own ears.

"I know." Magnus said. He'd known many parabatai in his lifetime. He knew how hard it was for one to lose the other, the weight of the emotions felt by the one left behind. And emotions were not exactly Jace's strong suit.

"It's my fault…" Jace took a sharp inhale, clenching and unclenching the sweater. "It's all my fault."

Magnus sat beside Jace on the bed, hand on his shoulder. This was as close as he'd ever willingly been to Jace. "It's not your fault. Protecting you and Isabelle has always been Alexander's priority."

Jace inhaled sharply again and Magnus could clearly see that he was fighting back tears. "But I could have had his back!" He turned to look Magnus in the eye. "I always thought I'd be the first one to go; that I'd go in a blaze of glory. I've always been a flash in the pan, but Alec's always been constant…and now I don't know what to do."

Magnus closed his eyes, standing up in a fluid motion. "You need to grieve. You have lost your parabatai, your other half and yet you deny yourself the human emotion of grief."

Jace found a semblance of his trademark smirk. "You're doing the same thing. You loved him."

"I am not entirely human." Magnus said under his breath. "And I still do. But my grieving is different." He meandered slowly toward the door and added, "Let it out, little Shadowhunter." before closing the door with a click.

A strangled sob escaped Jace's throat as he finally allowed his tears to fall.


End file.
